“So Much Corruption, It’s Practically a Constitutional Right!”
Folks, you’ve heard of The Art of the Deal — but welcome to The Art of the Bribe starring your favorite unelected lifetime monarchs: The Supreme Court of the United States. Or as it is now known, the Supreme Club of Ultra-Privileged Freeloaders.
We’re not talking about robes and gavels — we’re talking private jets, luxury yachts, secret flags, and donors so rich they make Batman look broke.
Justice Clarence Thomas
A real man of the people — if the people are oil barons with superyachts. He took millions in undisclosed gifts, vacations, and resort stays, claiming they were just gifts from “friends.” Oh, and he conveniently forgot to mention real estate deals, luxury travel, and the billionaire who paid for his grandnephew’s tuition.
This isn’t corruption — it’s elite networking, folks! So much winning for Clarence, he forgot to file the ethics paperwork!
Justice Samuel “Flag Wave” Alito
Alito was spotted flying the “Stop the Steal” distress flag outside his home — and when questioned, did he apologize?
Nope — he blamed his wife. That’s right: “My spouse did it!” The oldest excuse in the book — right after “I didn’t inhale” and “It depends on what the meaning of ‘is’ is.”
He also took luxury trips funded by hedge fund kings with business before the court. But don’t worry — he ruled fairly. Fairly in favor of his donors.
Ethics? Never Heard of Her
Congress asked the Supreme Court to adopt a code of ethics. The justices replied, “We are the ethics.” They dropped a toothless, nonbinding “voluntary” code, which is basically the judicial version of “we pinky swear not to be shady.”
Imagine if your job let you investigate yourself — while sipping Dom Pérignon on a billionaire’s jet to Bali. That’s not justice — that’s Judiciary: Vegas Edition.
Meanwhile, America Suffers
The court has caused a lot of damage to Americans and our society.
- Abortion rights? Gone.
- Voting rights? Gutted.
- Gun laws? Shredded.
- Corporate power? Soaring.
And all of it rubber-stamped by people who can’t even follow the rules for a PTO form.
We the People…Can’t Afford their Lifestyle
It’s time to admit: The current court isn’t interpreting the Constitution — they’re auctioning it off, one luxury ski trip at a time.
So, if you’ve got a billion dollars, a private island, and a case pending before SCOTUS — congratulations! You just bought a seat at the table.